Goddess of the Week - The Erinyes

This evening I picked the Goddess of the week - and it has turned out to be The Erinyes. The Erinyes represent Crisis, according to the The Goddess Oracle.   The Erinyes were the feminine personification of Vengeance in the Greek Pantheon.  The Erinyes were three netherworld goddesses who avenged crimes against the natural order.  Virgil mentions three of the Erinyes in his writings.  They were Alecto - who punished for moral crimes, Magaera - She was said to be the cause of jealousy and envy, and caused people to commit crimes, especially marital infidelity, and Tisiphone - who punished for crimes such as murder.  The Erinyes were connected with Nemesis as enforcers of a just balance in human affairs.  The Erinyes were known to drive their victims insane. 

According to The Goddess Oracle - “The Erinyes are howling after you because you and/or your loved ones are in crisis.  The way to nurture wholeness for you now lies in reaching out and asking for help.  Whether it is from the human, animal, or spiritual kingdoms, help is required at this juncture of excess, psyche-breaking stress, and instability.  Identify and name the the kind of crisis you are in.”

I think this is excellent advice.  Often when I am in crisis, I am not aware of how acute it is affecting me until it is almost too late.  Identifying and naming your problems, taking the leap to be honest with yourself when facing your issues is one of the most difficult things to do. 

Sprained Ankle and Sliced Big Toe and Tetanus Shot

Today I was getting ready to leave for the art show.  I was kind of rushed.  I was taking things out to the car, and the impatient side of me kicked in and I tried to take out more then I should of in one trip….   I have learned this lesson one too many times!  Or is it that I have not learned this lesson well enough?  I thought I could manage it.  Well, I couldn’t!  I twisted my ankle, and as I was falling to the ground the clog on my right foot flew off and my big toe came crashing down on a piece of metal door frame, slicing my big toe like a tomato. 

Needless to say, I did not make it to the art show today.  Instead I spent a glorious four hours at the emergency room.  I have an updated Tetanus Shot.  I am now the proud wearer of an orthopedic shoe brace/cast on my left foot, a large sliced toe on my right foot, and a pair of crutches.  So if both of my feet are injured, how do I walk?????  Well let me tell you, it is not easy!  I am MISERABLE!! 

Thursday Thirteen Plus One Extra

Thirteen Things About Colors - Plus One WHITE Meditation/  Dream: Truth of the highest order. Enlightenment. Energy in its most pure form. Divinity. Aura: Never a predominate color in the aura unless you are looking at an angel or an ascended master. Healing: Charging the energy field,  bringing peace and comfort, divine light or whole white light entering.   VIOLET  Meditation/  Dream: Conjures feelings of enchantment, wishes fulfilled, of dreams made fact. Transformation of the self or of some aspect of your life into a higher form. Connecting to your higher self. Aura: This color in the aura is the highest vibration for the human spirit. A person who is in command of his life and energy. A visionary. Violet with a gold outline is a person who is one with spirit and is in service to mankind. Healing: Connecting to spirit, the opening of the third eye, the clearing of the head, purging the auric field of distortions.   BLUE  Meditation/  Dream: Blue is the energy of pacification, self protection, sweetness and tenderness, and of loyalty. It represents contentment and reunion with the Earth. Aura: Blue in the aura represents a teacher or a very sensitive person. They are kind and caring and will do much to help others grow.  Healing: Cooling, calming, restructuring of the etheric level, taking away pain when doing deep tissue work and work on bone cells. Blue also helps to expand a person’s field to connect to his/her life task.   GREEN  Meditation/  Dream: Taken most directly from nature, these hues often are expressive of constancy, self-affirmation, security, self-esteem, and of deeply rooted pride. A healing meditation may contain green, as it is the color of new growth. Aura: Green in the aura signals a very intellectual person who may possess healing gifts. At the very least it signals a nurturer personality and one that will do what they can to make another comfortable. Healing: Charging the heart chakra, balancing the aura, general healing, sometimes charging the aura to ensure well being and health, and to remove illness.   YELLOW  Meditation/  Dream: Representative of cheerfulness, radiance, relaxation and release from burdens. It is warmth of sunlight, the halo around the Holy Grail. Yellow is hope and also intelligence. Aura: Yellow, like green also signals a very intellectual person. They are powerful thinkers, and idea makers. Healing: Charging the brow chakra, clearing a foggy head.   ORANGE  Meditation/  Dream: Symbolic of fire, of expanding energy, power and the omnipotence of the sun and the majesty of sunsets. Energy to accomplish ones goals. Aura: A very ambitions person who needs to succeed and has the energy to do so. Healing: Charging the auric field, increasing sexual potency, increasing the immunity system.   ROSE  Meditation/  Dream: In meditation or dreams represents self-love, also resurrection. The color of flesh, of sensuality and emotion, romantic love, and supportive love. Aura: A person in-love with another or in-love with one’s created environment. Healing: Subtle healing and love. This energy puts back a sense of self love and self worth.   RED  Meditation/  Dream: Red represents the will to achieve, energy, intensity, and struggle. It is also appetite, desire, and reproduction. It is life in the “now.” Aura: People with mostly red in their aura are fiery spontaneous people. They are often fearless, or appear that way. Red’s make good police and firemen and soldiers. Red will also be found in the normal aura for brief periods during great anger or passion. Healing: Super charging the auric field, burning out cancer, warming cold areas.   GOLD  Meditation/  Dream: Divinity transforming lower energy to upper energy. Spiritual power in all aspects operating for the greater good. Aura: Gold in the aura is rarely a predominate color, however you can find it as an outline to another color, like violet. Gold as an outline in the aura adds the dimension of spiritual nobility and rank, a person that has and is achieving great spiritual progress and work. Healing: The restructuring of the seventh layer of the aura.   GRAY  Meditation/  Dream: Grey in a dream or meditation signals excessive energy being burnt off. it is also a lifting of intense fear or some life-threatening situation. Aura: A person who’s life-force is leaking away due to unhappiness, sadness, depression, or illness. With the color black a person with advanced cancer. Healing: Only used during a healing when excessive energy must be removed because the person can’t handle it.   BLACK  Meditation/  Dream: In the shinny black variety it is a closing in of energy and resource to protect ones self. The velvet or shinny black is not a negative color to get in a meditation, especially if you are feeling burnt out. A velvet black light opens up the Aura so that it can accept higher colors. Aura: A dull lifeless black in the aura shows a person who is very far removed from the constructive forces of the universe. With the grey streaks, it shows a person being destroyed by his or her own actions and lack of spirituality. Note: Wearing black is very common and it opens up the human aura to all the other colors.  Wearing black also protects your energy from leaking out to others. Healing: The velvet black color is used to bring a patient into the state of grace, silence, and peace.   SILVER  Meditation/  Dream: Silver relates to the moon, the subconscious, and the female aspect of the universe.  Aura: Not a color usually present in the aura in any great quantity. Healing: Used to purge the auric field and to charge the sixth level of being (karmic level), to remove old karma that is no longer needed.   INDIGO  Meditation/  Dream: Purple or indigo in a dream or meditation signals  some kind of psychic power or ability or some kind of psychic force. Aura: In the aura shows a very intuitive person, a person with prepackaged abilities that come from before birth to be used physically in this incarnation. These people tend to be square pegs as far as society and fitting in is concerned. This will change as  more of the current generation is born with this color and takes its place in society. Healing: The opening up of intuition or of some psychic ability.   CRYSTAL  Meditation/  Dream: Transformation into a new form or a higher energy state. Crystals amplify and a crystal light will amplify your own energy to a higher level. Aura: A crystal aura around a person is clear but will have other colors intermingled with it. This is the ‘chameleon’ aura. People with this aura will take on the attitudes and ways of those around them. The aura of others becomes their own aura. It is important for these crystal people to only surround themselves with the best influences possible, for obvious reasons. A person with a crystal aura must learn how to separate themselves from everybody else.  Healing: Sometimes used to fill in an empty spot where some energy was removed, so that nothing unwanted takes it’s place, till the person’s energy field can replace the vacuum with its own energy field.

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My Growth Hormone/Humatrope Treatment Has Been Approved!!!!!! Yeah!!!! Yeah!!!!

Okay, I just received a letter from Aetna that my Humatrope treatment for my Growth Hormone Deficiency has been approved!  Yeah!! Finally!!!  They have approved me for one year.  so I will probably have to go through this again next year.    Now I can really start to feel better physically and emotionally.  This drug is so important for my well being.  The main problem now, is coming up with the money for my co-pay.  I have to pay about $300.00 a month for my treatments.  So who should I thank for helping me?  Aetna??  Eli Lilly??  The Humatrope Reimbursement Center??   Ha ha I think not!!! 

Absolutely no thanks is due to the HRC.  They just made the process longer, added unnecessary paperwork, gave wrong information to the insurance company, badgered my doctor’s office for unnecessary forms and information, and were the reason for the denial I first received!  Once I received the denial, they closed my case early and told me that they could not help me.  My advice to anyone with Growth Hormone Deficiency, is to NOT WORK with the HRC!!!!

I really do want to thank my doctors office!  They worked with me, the insurance company, and the HRC.    Dr. Miklius’s nurse sent the information again and again to the HRC and insurance company.  They sent the letters and requests.  They spent the time to help me straighten this mess out.    Dr. Miklius tolerated my emotional outburst when I broke into tears at her office about the whole mess.  She is truly a great doctor.  At their office, you do have to wait a long time, they often run late, but it is worth it!  She listens to her patients.  She understands her patients!  If you need an Endocrinologist, and you live in the Dallas area, I recommend Dr. Audrey Miklius!  She is the doctor that finally helped me find out what was wrong with me. 

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Chakras.  1. The Crown Chakra is at the top of the head, and the color for the Crown Chakra is Violet. 2. The Crown Chakra works with metabolism, central nervous system, head, cerebral cortex, upper spine, and hair. 3. The Third Eye Chakra is between the eyebrows, and the color associated with it is Indigo. 4.  The Third Eye Chakra deals with the endocrine and nervous system, autonomic nervous system, hypothalamus, eyes and the pituitary gland. 5.  The Throat Chakra is located in the throat area and is associated with the color blue.  6.  The Throat Chakra deals with the parathyroid, balance of Yin and Yang, ears, sinus, thyroid, and respiratory system. 7.  The Heart Chakra is located in the chest, and is associated with the color green. 8.  The Heart Chakra is the center of love for self and others.  It deals with the heart, lung, lymph system, immune system, allergy, blood pressure, and circulation. 9.  The Naval or Solar Plexus Chakra is located around the solar plexus, and is associated with the color yellow. 10.  The Naval Chakra is the bodies battery.  It deals with the digestive system, stomach, liver, pancreas, gall bladder, bile, and small intestines.  11.  The Sacral Chakra is located above the genital area.  It is associated with the color orange.  12.  The Sacral Chakra deals with life force issues, energy, abdomen, spleen, urinary tract, kidneys, ovaries, uterus, and blood sugar. 13.  The Root Chakra is located at the base of the spine and is associated with the color red.

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Thursday Thirteen - Thirteen Healing Stones

Thirteen Healing Stones 1.  Amethyst - Promotes spiritual awareness, improves self worth, aides with headaches, insomnia, and meditation.  For the Crown Chakra. 2.  Dark Green Jade - Opens the qualities of mercy and compassion, opens and heals the heart.  Frees one from anger, selfishness and greed.  Known as the Kwan Yin stone - it helps those on the path to enlightenment.  For the Heart Chakra. 3.  Lapis Lazuli - Cleanses the mental body, promotes deep penetration to heal outdated thought forms and mental patterns.  Prevents negative thoughts from becoming karmic patterns, releases outworn karmic patterns for healing.  Changes negative views of reality to positive outlooks, heals mental body damage from old traumas in this life, reprograms the mental body, facilitates all healing.  Lapis is best worn with other stones like Amethyst or Rose Quartz to mellow and gentle its effects.  I always use this stone during crystal healing.  For the Throat and Third Eye  Chakra. 4.  Sodalight - Balances the pituitary gland and the Third Eye Chakra.  Heals the lymphatic and glandular systems and nerve endings.  Soothes and heals the central nervous system.  For the Third Eye Chakra. 5.  Chrysocolla - For women’s all-healing and internal physical healing.  Assists with releasing grief, pain, sadness and fear from the emotional body and aides in the entrance of joy, certainty and peace.  Supports letting go, surrendering pain and worry to universal love.  For the Throat Chakra.  6.  Blue Calcite - Soothes the throat, eases the ability to speak out, heals throat center blockages and throat diseases, clears old this-life traumas held in the throat.  Supports peaceful assertiveness, aids shyness, promotes the ability to speak ones needs.  Soothes anger, creates readiness for peaceful change to ones life, and brings inner peace and quiet within.  For the Throat Chakra. 7.  Bloodstone - A very protective stone.  Fosters courage, creativity, healing, and moving forward in one’s life path.  Cleanses the blood.  For the Heart Chakra.  8.  Amazonite - An excellent stone for people who work at a computer all day.  This stone protects your energy from other sources like microwaves, t.v.’s, and computers.  It is a soothing stone that calms the brain and nervous system.  It balances masculine and feminine energies.  It dispels negative energy and emotions.  For the Heart Chakra.  9.  Blue Lace Agate - Makes self-expression easier, aids speaking out, aids speaking and validating one’s emotional truths.  Offers courage, aids shyness and tendency towards self effacement.  For the Throat Chakra. 10.  Botswana Agate - Affects the heart like a stone thrown into a pool, with rings and ripples radiating out to heal old pain.  Heals heartache and heart pain layer by layer.  Replaces pain with joy.  Heals and warms the heart offering comfort and security.  For the Heart Chakra. 11.  Petrified Wood - Aids concentration, grounds and centers those unable to persevere on their life path and life goals.  Slows one down.  Heals being scattered, flighty and indecisive.  Helps those who cannot complete what they start, promotes setting and keeping goals, steadies and stabilizes.  For the Root Chakra. 12.  Pyrite - Aids prosperity.  Uplifts and grounds at once.  Helps with self control and will-power.  For the Navel Chakra.  13.  Malachite - Detoxifies the emotional  and physical body, releases negative/painful emotions, clears and releases old traumas from this life and past lives.  Detoxifies the liver and gall bladder at physical and emotional levels.  This stone brings things out from within.  This is said to be a stone that is protective and enhances prosperity.  For the Navel and Heart Chakras.

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Early Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Health Insurance Companies 1. They only care about money 2. They do not want people to get better. 3. They over-rule your Doctors recommendations 4. They give crappy customer service 5. They live for fucking people’s lives up 6. They make money off of the sick and dying 7. They discriminate 8. They demoralize 9. They are unorganized 10. They bring shame onto this country. ( See the movie Sicko!!!! People in France, England, Canada and even Cuba were amazed at how bad our health care system is thanks to Health Insurance Company Greed.) 11. I HATE THEM!!!! 12. greed, Greed, GREED GREED GREED GREED GREED GREED GREED GREED $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 13. They would rather people stay sick or die, then get the treatment they need.

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I Still Hate Insurance Companies and Drug Companies (Escpecially Eli Lilly)

I just thought I would give you all an update about my Humatrope.  Since receiving the letter from Aetna Denying my Humatrope, my doctor has submitted an exception request, and then an appeal.  The lack of customer service at Aetna is incomprehensible!  The lack of assistance that I am getting from Eli lilly is even more ridiculous!!!!! 

Eli Lilly has an organization created to assist the patients, The Humatrope Reimbursement Center (HRC).  I have to say they are wasting their money with this one!!!  I have been working with this group since last year, and it is like smashing your car into a brick wall while driving 100 miles an hour. 

I have called this place and called this place and called this place to no avail.  The person assigned to my case, is this chick named Vanessa.  The woman never returns my calls, and rarely answers her own phone.  When she does call me, she mixes my case up with others, asks questions she has asked before, and makes promises she never keeps, and then blames her mistakes on my doctor’s office.  

The Humatrope Reimbursement Center (HRC) is supposed to help patients with:

• Obtaining a description of the benefits provided through their insurance plans.
• Understanding their insurance coverage and what options are available.
• Coordinating and submitting claim forms and documentation required by their insurers.
• Appealing any denials of coverage from their insurers, whenever possible.
• Exploring other sources of coverage and reimbursement.
• Working with their doctors’ offices to make sure all necessary information is promptly supplied to each patient’s insurer.

I know this is a free service they are providing, so I hate bitching about it, but I am telling you they seem to be more of a hindrance then a help.  They wasted my doctors office time by having them fill out the same paperwork 5 times.  It was so bad that the drug rep and her boss had to go to my doctors office to finally complete the paperwork.  My doctors office kept blaming the HRC, and the HRC kept blaming my doctors office.  This process literally took months.  If the list above is what they are supposed to be doing, I can tell you that from my experience, they have not helped me with any of those issues.  I had to hound them to help me, I gave them information about my insurance company, I have had my doctors office fax, call and mail them information.  They open and close my case with no rhyme or reason, and Vanessa from the HRC told me that she could not help me with the exception or the appeal.  Once again, Elli Lilly states that the HRC is supposed to assist with this.  I could go on and on about the problems I am still having with this group!

Now, let me talk about Aetna.  My doctor’s office, the Humatrope Reimbursement Center, and I, have faxed, called and mailed information to Aetna.  We have sent test results, lab results, and the letter of Medical Necesity to them over a million times.  Every time I call Aetna to get a status update, they tell me they have not received any of this information!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Okay now, WHO IS LYING??????  Is it Aetna?  Is it my doctor’s office?  Is it the Humatrope Reimbursement Center?  Is it me?  If I am not already crazy, I think I shall be soon.  Why is this so complicated?  I have an illness, Adult Growth Hormone Deficiency.  My doctor tested me for it.  My doctor prescribed medication for it.  You would think it would not be so f*%@$g difficult to get the medicine I need to live a normal life!!!!!!!!  I am truly about to just give up.

I Hate Health Insurance Companies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I received a letter on Saturday from my health insurance company.  They have decided  not to approve my Humatrope.  This is a drug that is very important to me, because I have Adult Growth Hormone Deficiency.  The letter was signed by some dude named Mark Rubino, R.Ph, M.H.A..  He is the Chief Pharmacy Officer with Aetna Pharmacy Management.  Why can a pharmacist override the decisions and directions of a doctor?????????????  My doctor thinks I need the medicine!  My doctor went to Medical School.  Then she completed specialty training in endocrinology.  Did Mr. Rubino?  No, I think not!  I also went through a 4 hour L-dopa/Arginine test that proved that my body does not produce growth hormone.  I did not sit there for 4 hours having substances I.V.ed into my body, and having my blood drawn every 30 minutes for the fun of it!!!  @#!*%$#@  I did not undergo closed MRIs that lasted what seemed like forever to just entertain myself!  *&^%$#*@ Who are these people that make these arbitrary decisions about my health????? 

 I am sure they will get their bonuses for turning down patients who need help!  Michael Moore’s movie Sicko was right on target.  If you have not seen it, I highly recommend it. 

I feel right now that I am in a battle for my life.  I want to live a better quality of life, a normal life.  It has taken seven years to find answers to the problems causing the deterioration of my mental and physical health.  Now that I have a big part of that equation solved, I can’t get the medication anymore that was helping me work towards obtaining the life I once had, and the life I dreamed about.  The medication I need is Human Growth Hormone, and now with baseball players, and possibly other athletes misusing the drug, it is going to make it harder for people like me to obtain it.

I have a somewhat rare disorder called Adult Growth Hormone Deficiency.  What this means is that my pituitary gland does not produce Growth Hormone.  In adults, Growth Hormone Deficiency can cause the following list of problems:

• weakened heart muscle contraction and heart rate
• increased arterial plaque and blood pressure
• elevated lipids or fats in the blood:
 - cholesterol 
 - low density lipoproteins (LDL)
 - triglycerides
• decreased exercise capacity due to decreased cardiac output
• decreased energy due to decreased metabolic rate
• abnormal body composition:
 - increased abdominal obesity (waist to hip ratio)
 - decreased bone density due to decreased synthesis of bone
 - increase in fractures and osteoporosis
 - decreased muscle strength and muscle size
 - decreased lean body mass
 - increased fat mass
• low blood sugar:
 - dizziness or fainting
 - weakness or tiredness
 - headaches
 - poor concentration or memory
Physical Symptoms
 - lack of energy or fatigue
 - decreased sexual desire
 - muscle weakness
 - sleep problems
 - weight gain
Psychological Symptoms
 - shyness
 - withdrawal from others
 - nervousness or anxiety
 - problem with sleep quality
 - decreased social contact
 - sadness or depression
 - feelings of hopelessness
My Adult Growth Hormone Deficiency was caused either from some sort of head trauma (I had a very physically and sexually abusive childhood,) or from a prolactinoma or small pituitary tumor that has damaged my pituitary gland.  This has also reeked havoc with my hormones causing me to lactate (produce breast milk), and problems like having my period every two weeks.  It also might have caused my Hypothyroidism as well.  According to the Pituitary Network Association, 1 in 5 people have pituitary tumors.  In most cases they go undiagnosed unless a person develops some of the symptoms, and like in my case, once they start producing symptoms they can go misdiagnosed for years.

I went over 7 years battling the symptoms, going from specialist to specialist, and each doctor telling me to “just exercise and lose some weight,” which is hard for people with this disease to do because it causes enlargement of the heart, physical exertion intolerance, and causes your body to convert muscle to fat faster.  Doctors also told me that my symptoms were related to the sexual abuse I received as a child, or because I was on anti-depressants.  Depression, isolating behaviors, and apathy syndrome are also symptoms of my illness.  One endocrinologist, rated as one of the top in the Dallas area by D Magazine, without any testing looked at me, listened to my symptoms and simply told me quote “you are just too fat.  Exercise, lose some weight, or have a gastric bypass.” Endocrinologists are the specialists that are supposed to diagnose this problem!  All the while both my physical and mental health were declining.

It started for me at the peak of my professional career.  I had been working in Telcom/Technology for eight years, was making more then $80,000 dollars a year, and was looking forward to hopefully one day also having a family in addition to my career.  Back then I never dreamed I would be where I am now, alone, fighting a mental and physical illness that has destroyed my life and my body.  Without Humatrope, the Growth Hormone that I have been on, my life is not worth living!  I have been on the medication for about a year and a half and the improvement in my physical health has been tremendous!  I can now exercise, walk my dog, and even walk into the grocery store from a far parking spot without collapsing in exhaustion, all of which I used to not be able to do.

Now my new insurance carrier does not want to cover the drug, and even if they do the percentage I will have to pay will go up significantly.  Since this is a costly drug, it will be a struggle for me to afford it.  It is a catch 22 situation.  I want to have my life back, and the main drug that will help me to do this, I can not get!  I am at a loss for what to do, please help!

Time on my Blog

Does anyone know how I can change the time on my blog?  It is the wrong time and is driving me bonkers!!!!! 

Well I had my echo cardiogram and stress tests today.  The tech wouldn’t really tell me what she saw, so now I have to wait for the doctor to tell me what is what!  I hate that.  After all of my testing I went and picked up a few more things for Friday.  I got all the ingredients except the chopped walnuts.  So I am almost ready to make the Magic Crescent Moon Cookies from my cookbook.  I also have all the items for the special spiced wine.  I am looking forward to actually try cooking.  I am not what you would call a cooking queen.

I started a new book today:

The Writing Diet: Write Yourself Right-Size
by Julia Cameron

I loved her book The Complete Artist’s Way: Creativity as a Spiritual Practice , so I am very curious about this one.  I will let you guys know what I think.