“Full of Grace”

I am not gong to make any promises or apologies.  I have not been keeping up with my blogging.  Just because I am not writing, does not mean that I am not reading.  I have been keeping up with my favorite blogs.  I think depression had a grasp on me again, and I felt absolutely no inclination to write anything, or do anything for that matter.  There is a Sarah Mclachlan song called “Full of Grace” that I feel is the best description of my depression. 

http://www.lyrics007.com/Sarah%20McLachlan%20Lyrics/Full%20of%20Grace%20Lyrics.html

The winter here’s cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love
So it’s better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and did
Hurts us all the more
Its just that we stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love

________________________

For me, I think about how much I hate myself, especially when I start to fall down into the depths of depression.  Depression for me is like winter, cold and never-ending.  As I start to feel depressed it is like an undertow or a rip tide is pulling me under and under and under.   I do not feel at home anywhere, and yet I have been in this place before, so it is like home for me.  I don’t feel at home at all in my skin.  Sometimes I feel that I have spent too much time in it.  I know I should love myself more.  This song to me relates to the lack of love affair that I have with myself.

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